I’m just gonna say it, because so many of you can’t.
This fucking sucks. This wasn’t the deal. My musical generation was not raised with the idea of dying young as being glamorous at all; so no, we did not sign up for this. No, we saw Clapton resurrect, we witnessed Mick and Keith get stronger with AARP, cards and that was 20 years ago. The people we listened to coming up didn’t die like so many in the 60s and 70s.
Sure, we lost the requisite drug overdosers in the 80’s, and some suicides. But if you kept your shit straight, cleaned up a little, you weren’t going to die early from choosing the music life. It was not part of the plan, not our plan. Not every single amazing musician I’ve played with or hung with. We even had our own plane thing, and then we had a tragic helicopter thing. But those were big time people who were on “plane tours,” surely that wouldn’t happen at this level.
And then we all started touring, in small mini vans, then caravans, then modified commercial passenger vans, then our own tour buses. And yes, tragedy happened. But we chalked it up to driving long distances on tour and such.
Live fast, play hard, go long (not die young). And yet, here we are, faced with so many of our family gone now.
A few over the last few years, a few last year, a few earlier this year, another last week, and yet, another today. Shit, the entire last ownership of the Cricket? Really. Good on Tom for outlasting us all.
The names are too many too mention, and that is sad in itself.
I’m heartbroken. (Let me clear, I am not depressed, and I do not feel like giving up, just being brutally honest)
I’ve been so fucking sad about all of this for years now, as the funerals, services, small gatherings, and club party In Memoriams fly by. I’m selfishly scared for my own life. Yeah, I said it. I’m not old. I’m not a heroin junky, I actually eat pretty healthy, but so what? It doesn’t seem to matter in this wheel of music scene death.
I feel like it’s stalking us.
And I love all of you.
Who’s next?
Who won’t I see coming?
Is it me?
I know many of you are feeling this way. If I do, you must. Songwriting taught me that. There’s no dark thought that others don’t share. I know many of you that have been in this game for 25+ years know what I’m talking about. Many of us have literally bled together, sweat together, seen it, done it, felt it. I’m supposed to say, “Hell yeah, we’re all still here. Let’s celebrate that!” But, I’m not feeling that way just yet. I’m burdened by the sadness caused by so much loss, by so much great music being snatched from us, too early. By history disappearing, far too early. Stories being lost to grainy photos and cloudy hazes. By so many loved ones heartbroken by an early exit. So many kids, wives, mothers, fathers, brothers. It’s overwhelming.
And, I’ll tell ya what. I’m feeling the pressure.
The pressure to survive. The pressure to kick ass.
The pressure to get every drop of music out of me, before it’s too late, before it’s another tragedy.
This isn’t meant to help anyone through today’s tragedy, or last weeks, or the next one. That’s not my job here, it’s too complex.
I just want you all to know I love you.
I’m writing this for you. For you to read and nod, and feel validated.
You are not crazy, this is some weird shit.
And it sucks.
And yes, we are here. We will survive. So….
More music.