By Luke O’Neil, Yahoo | Every year around this time, people put aside petty differences to agree on one thing: Christmas music is almost universally unbearable. Sure, there are many beloved classics, but for every Nat King Cole or Bing Crosby gem, there are dozens and dozens of fresh disasters arriving annually as the music industrial complex never stops its hateful assembly line of woe. While we can all quibble about what makes a Christmas song resonate, one thing a Christmas song can never be is cool. There is nothing cool about Christmas, and there never was.

Paradoxically, the songs that have stood the test of time come from artists who were the epitome of musical cool in their day—Elvis’ “Blue Christmas,” or Wham’s “Last Christmas,” for example — but it’s only through the IRL Instagram lens that these have been grandfathered into the canon; their hip edges sanded down to the point where the songs seem like they have always existed independent of space and time. That’s because Christmas is never about the present—or the presents, for that matter—but about the past. It’s not this week’s holiday we’re looking forward to, it’s the ones that have gone by. We’re hoping to feel the way we used to feel when we were younger and things were simpler. We’re hoping to ignore the other 364 days of the year when we’re consumed with a desire to be cool.

And yet, the vast majority of Christmas songs are the furthest thing from a comfort blanket.

Here, a countdown of the worst. [Yahoo Editor’s Note: In a testament to the incredibly polarizing nature of Christmas music as a genre, some of the songs also appear on our list of the best Christmas songs.]


Leave a Reply

Close Search Window