Photo: Martin & his parents | Martin Epp: As many of my longtime friends and bandmates know, I was adopted as an infant. A majority of adopted children suffer from separation anxiety from not bonding with their birth mother in those crucial minutes, hours, and days after birth. My mom wanted to take me home when I was only a day or so old but I was sick and had to stay in the hospital even longer.
Adopted people very frequently suffer from a plethora of associated psychological and emotional issues including, separation anxiety, guilt, depression, anxiety, feelings of rejection, narcissism, sociopathy, on and on. It’s a very complicated situation. My mom always told me I was adopted and it never bothered me.
Conversely, I always realized I was lucky because there must have been some issue with my birth parents where they couldn’t keep me, so perhaps I was a bit precocious in that regard. I also reveled in the aspect that it made me unique and special. I was chosen.
I struggled in my early years and chose the wrong path. It was serious enough I could have been incarcerated or even wound up dead. My mom loved me unconditionally and supported me in any endeavor, even when I failed her again and again. She never, ever, ever, gave up on me.
Finally, in my early 30’s, when I was going through some major self-inflicted turmoil, I had a revelation and realized why I was so unhappy and unsuccessful in my personal life. It was all me. That’s a very hard thing to face up to and I came very close to having a nervous breakdown. It’s not for pussies. And as always my parents were there to support me.
I was very fortunate to have made that life change before I met my wife and stepdaughters and got the career opportunities that I’ve been blessed with. I was also back home to take care of my parents in their final years and return the love and support they had given me. I was able to thank them for the wonderful life they had given me.
The gifts, trees, and Santa Claus are all a fun part of Christmas, but for me it is so much deeper. I am grateful for my life and all the love God has blessed me with, and all the wonderful family and friends he put in my life. I will never be perfect but I try and be better every day and appreciate the beauty and blessings in each day. I miss my mom and dad so much and thank God for them every day.
If you are struggling, take a good hard look at yourself and go to God. He will help you change if you want to. He saved me and he can save you, too. This is what Christmas is to me. A chance for rebirth. A Season of love, reflection, redemption, and salvation. Please treat all living things with kindness and lead by example. I wish you all a very Merry, Blessed, Christmas.
~ Martin
Martin Epp Reflects on His Life and What Christmas Means to Him
